2,314 kilometres from home, but still at home...
Yes, I think the title makes it quite clear. I'm going to live in Berlin. I have been informing the people closest to me in small doses since I started to pull strings (my mother even more dosed so that she could assimilate it 🙂 ).
What are the reasons why I decided to leave?
Searching for new adventures, love, falling out of love, bad financial or work situation, discovering new places and cultures, emancipation, languages and work experience are usually some of the reasons why people decide to make their way in another country.
In my case, the reasons were: languages (I want to learn German), the desire to live another experience outside Spain, this time at work, and above all, to get out of my comfort zone again. People tell me that I have put up with being in Madrid for more than a year. I promise you that I love Madrid and it is the city where I plan to live... that's why "it's now or never".
I had just finished my degree and my scholarship year in a company, so the situation was perfect for a new start. Perfect in theory, but not so perfect in practice...
It took me two months to decide 100% that this was what I really wanted. These decisions are a big change in your life and you have to be very sure about where you want to go and what kind of trouble you want to get into. So I think I was right not to be impulsive and to be patient. I started saying that I wanted to volunteer in Tanzania (I still have it pending), that I wanted to travel around South America, that I wanted to live in Amsterdam, Lisbon, Dublin or Berlin, that I wanted to stay in Madrid. What was going to be the best decision in the long run? Nobody knows, but time told me Berlin.
Why Berlin?
Some people reading this will laugh at me. I had never set foot in Berlin when I decided it was the city where I wanted to start a new adventure... I obviously like the cold. I have lived in Scotland and Poland. But that was not the reason. The first one was the language and the second one was the city. In the second one I trusted many people who told me that if I chose it I wouldn't regret it. I love the country, the geographical situation, the opportunities, the accessibility of being able to find a job with only English, the multiculturalism and the lack of knowledge. The not knowing what, I love it.
"Now or never".
As I said before, Madrid gives me everything I need. I can't ask for more. I have all my family here, my friends, my house, my plans, my travels, my independence....
And that's the thing, I'm very comfortable, but sometimes I feel stuck and don't get me wrong. A lot of people won't understand me because they always see me doing things. But that's not everything. The feeling of discovering something new out there and above all discovering myself and seeing sometimes how far my limits can go, is something that really fills me up. I think a lot about my age, my future... and the more I see and travel the more I feel I need to see and travel. It's like a vicious circle. I don't want to be stumbling around all my life, but the "now or never" is very clear. Obviously there is always time as many people tell me, but, now that I have it, why not?
Things may not work out, obviously everything has its risks, but at least I'm left with the feeling of having tried.
I also know that I'm leaving at the worst time, that I'm going to have bad days, that going to work is not like going on Erasmus, that I'll feel lonely many times, that I'll lose people, maybe... One of the things that happens when you go abroad is that you disappear from people's routine. People get used to living without you. And sometimes when you come back, that piece doesn't fit in the same way, for some people as well as for others... I also know that the real ones will still be there, that there is always time to go back and that I have many people around me who have encouraged me, who are going to miss me and have told me so, who have been moved when I told them the news, who dream (really) that my house is going to be great, who send me contacts of friends living there in case I feel lonely, who call me to ask me if I am nervous or how I am getting ready, who I notice that they are really happy?
And for that reason, just for that reason, today, even without having left, all of this has been worth it.
(I have 4 days left, I'll tell you soon).
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