2,315 kilometres from home...
18/11/2018. Some people often tell me that I could live on memories and I'm increasingly realising that it's true. I have a photographic memory for certain details and dates are one of those numbers where I like to go back and rummage around in my head. And yes, that 18th November is already a date tattooed in my mind. On that day a year ago I left my beloved Madrid to start a new chapter in the future book of my life. And there will be many pages with many anecdotes to tell...
To be honest, I spent 5 minutes thinking about how to start this post. I have so much to say that I don't really know how to sum it up: Berlin chose me.
I don't really remember how this city came to my mind, what I do know is that I chose it without having been there even once. It turned out well, but it could have been a great catastrophe... I could have hated it or I could simply not have found myself. It often happens, but something inside told me that this challenge had to be there. And in winter. And without knowing anyone. And without a home. But with a lot to discover inside and outside myself. So I'm left with the fact that Berlin chose me. And we hit it off very well 🙂
I've just reread the entry on I'm going to live in Berlin and it seems like yesterday. It makes me laugh my fixed idea of: in 5 months I'm going back, I just want to get rid of the thorn and that's it. Something that I tried to convince myself would happen and something that everyone around me knew would not happen. Maybe it was to avoid goodbyes, dramas and to make everything as simple as possible. Maybe I didn't want to burden myself with time, with planning too much for what was to come. And here I am.
A long-distance race
As you may have read in another of my favourite posts, "Discovering me in Berlin: My first days", the first few months were not easy. I can also tell you that I wouldn't change those months for anything. The feeling that everything is new, the intensity with which you live every moment, the desire to discover, the uncertainty, knowing that everything is going to get better, meeting new people every day, being completely out of your comfort zone. After a year, and with a certain stability, I promise you that I sometimes miss that feeling.
In the first part of this whole process, I was pretty strong and fast I would say. Right now I know I wouldn't be ready to do what I did again. I was called within 3 days of doing an interview for a company I hardly knew in Berlin and I was given two options: 1)Take your time and you can start in one-two months. 2) You can start in 2 weeks. And I didn't think about it, I chose to move in less than two weeks. If I had given myself more time to think, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now. I mean, I wouldn't be here.
Sometimes decisions are made for you before you make them. And I jumped into the pool; the winter pool. A deep pool, with cold water and no one around to swim with me. I was as lonely as one (drama) and I was alone for about a month (dramaX2). Over time and in a very natural way, I met people. Incredible people who have become a very important part of me, because they are people who have helped me to grow, to move forward, to value myself and to feel loved being so far away from home.
Despite the instability I'm talking about in the first few weeks, at no time did it cross my mind to return to Madrid. And nothing would have happened if I had done so, you don't always have to force yourself because of what people will say or because you think you've failed. Rectifying in time says a lot about someone. In my case, I always saw a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I held on to the signs that I always say this city gives me and although people think I'm crazy, it helped me to keep my enthusiasm, my desire and to find the reason for things. And in the end everything rolled on to the point that I can't imagine being in another city.
These 12 months have been a great lesson in self-improvement for me. It is possible to build a life from scratch. It is possible to feel at home when you are far away. It is possible to get a job you never thought you could get. It is possible to make that job part of your life and enjoy it and the people you share it with on a daily basis. It is possible to learn languages you thought impossible. It is also possible that you start to forget your own (and this happens to me with some words). It is possible to wear all black for a week (hehe). In short, it is possible to achieve many things that right now you think are out of your reach.
Memories that are worth (and are) gold.
As Pol 3.14 would say: "Portraits of a night, for the photo booths". My first weeks in Berlin were a time of much thinking. All kinds of ideas came to my mind, some of them more realistic and others that are already in the trash. But one of them, of which I am very proud, was to promise myself that every person who came to see me had to pass by one of the Photoautomats on every street corner to immortalize the moment.
Alexanderplatz, Berlín
Every day at least once or twice, I stare like a fool at the photos that remind me of so many different moments and emotions that make me teleport to places, people and sensations. People here tell me that I'm a bit of a film buff because every corner or nook and cranny reminds me of something (the photographic memory I'm talking about).
Photoautomath Berlín
My first week with my dear Alba accompanying me in the hostel because I still didn't have a home, or the madness of Sara coming for 24 hours. That mythical night with Moni in Watergate or Nico, Silke and Fabio doing a Krakow 2.0. The coldest week that Bea and Nicol were there to make it more enjoyable. My uni friends (Ele, Miri, Pablo and Gonzalo) living the most surreal experience. Julia, Cris and the famous 15 Italians I managed to get into Wilde Renate. Marimar and the sun that brought me during that chill weekend. Ali and Clara, my Currywurst team through the heights of Berlin and Potsdam. Javi, the bike in Tempelhof and the unhurried walks. Ana, Luna and the grand finale after a week in the Black Forest. Bea, the surprise of my birthday and conversations about life on the river. My other Ana, markets, Club Mate and the grand finale at Sisyphos. Andres and Bea, and their days before their new life in Australia which were epic. Laura and the reunion after 10 years talking about how life goes on and time seems not to pass.
I have some of the most beautiful memories in the world and these photos that you see here are what I value most. Pay attention to those of you who are coming or will be coming back soon, because nobody leaves here without a photo in the Photoautomat.
Berlin has taught me a lot. This year I have got to know myself better and I have learnt life lessons. Berlin has taught me to be patient, to look even more closely at the details, to see that beauty that few manage (and sometimes it's hard) to see. It has shown me its real face where not everything is colourful, with its dark and hard side. It has taught me to be less perfectionist and more attentive. It has shown me that being different is something beautiful and not weird (with a negative connotation). It has made me appreciate what I have far away and to know that distance sometimes brings us closer and unites us more.
And that said, I am and remain hooked on this city and on what I have built step by step. I look back and I can only say that time flies, but if you really want to, you can also fly with it (and enjoy the journey).
And now, the eternal question: How much longer?
I don't know and I don't want to know. Time is one of the few terms that really overwhelms me because of how fast it always goes by, so my idea is to enjoy and squeeze the most out of this experience, keep on riding this roller coaster and go for whatever has to come.
Ostkreutz, Berlín
In the circus of this stage of my life, I am sure that Berlin will be a great performance, I don't know if it will be the best, but certainly a very intense one. And with this, it only remains for me to say thank you for all that I have experienced and may the show go on!
Love Parade, Berlín
🌬️🌊
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